"WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD oh it's just your hair..."

I could go on and on about the time I had at Wilfoods, but I’ll summarize and get onto the real story. It was wet and cold the first night. We got wet and cold, but we still managed to get out and have a good time. It was hot on Saturday, but the ground was still wet. We went to Greymouth so Tomma could get his herbal feed and got McDonalds, and Millsy tried every bit of clothing and exercise equipment and bed at the Warehouse. We went back to the Festival, which sucked (They sold us beef and told us it was Kangaroo) and then went back to the camp site to drink more, and went out in town. Fuss bought down his fireworks, so when he got back to camp, he set them off. It was awesome. We woke up on Sunday, packed up, and everyone went their separate ways…

It was about 1pm on Sunday when I got home, and went straight to bed. I felt like shit, and rightly so, I had been operating on hardly any sleep, and I had slept in a partly damp tent for the past couple of nights, along with drinking stupid amounts, and taking herbals, which never seem to sit right in your stomach the next day, but oh no, it was much worse than that. At about 7pm I awoke in a cold sweat, thinking I had got the flu, again, not such a stupid thing to think, considering the aforementioned shitty conditions, I eventually got back to sleep, not realising the full extent of my illness to till the next day…

I awoke at 6am, and immediately ran to the toilet. I shat. I shat big time. Somewhere along the line I had contracted some form of food poisoning. The amount of shit food I had eaten over the past 96 hours, it would be merely impossible to pin point where I got it from. There were the dodgy people with BBQ’s on the side of the street on both nights, and you’re always in a drunken hungry stupor so of course they looked like delicate three course meals. There were the dodgy feeds at Wildfoods. Snails? Beef/Kangaroo? Who knows, what I do know is anything that I did have inside me was now a brown runny paste coming out of my anus at rather a rate of knots.

I was not impressed.

I rang work and told them I wouldn’t be coming in for the day, I could almost hear him thinking in his head “You piss crook Mondayitis wanker” – And who could blame him? I went back to bed. The next day was pretty much the same, dehydration mixed with chronic diarreha, mixed with unbelievable gut pains, headaches and joint pains. Imagine the worst possible flu you’ve ever had, but shitting yourself violently every 45 minutes.

I eventually got into the doctors on Thursday. He basically said I have some form of food poisoning, most probably “Campylobacter Enteritis” and that if I still had diarreha they could take a stool sample and find out where I got it from. He then went to his cupboard and got a little bottle and a plastic biohazard bag “The bottle has a little scoop attached to the lid” he said as he handed it to me with what almost looked like a smirk on his face.

No thanks.

I took the bag and human pooper scooper and paid my $18 and was out of there. I already had the shits and had been off work for a week, I wasn’t about to scoop some stool off my buttocks and drop it into the hospital, at that stage I was well and truly over finding out where abouts I had got it from.

I didn’t take a camera to the festival, hell, I didn’t take any camera at all, but Fuss did, his pictures are here, and they’re only of us at the campsite.